Thursday, 23 August 2012

The Beast in my House !

Greetings,

I have a beast living in my house (no it's not another cat) it's this :


He is HUMUNGOUS !!

He's been in the corner of the stair well now for ages, watching me, staring menacingly, sneering and biding his time to drop down and send me off into a hissy fit !

It's not one sided though - I've been watching him too ( too right I have !) everytime I go up and down stairs I make sure he hasn't moved - until this morning - OMG he's gone !!

Now the panic starts, must wear long sleeves, bicycle clips around my jeans, don't leave any cups/dishes the right way up in case he crawls in and gives me a minor major heart attack.

Does he hate me for giving him the evil eye ?  does he know I want him out ?  is he planning revenge ?



Now I'm not programmed to kill things, even creepy, crawlies (I even stop in the street and move stranded worms back onto the grass in case they dry up !) 

However, I'm also not programmed to have one of these beasties having the run of my house either.

So OK Spidy .......... you can share my home, but here are the rules - OK ?

You will NOT drop down beside me on the sofa, especially when I have a hot drink in my hand

You will NOT walk deliberately slowly across the living room ceiling so I can't take my eyes off you and get a stiff neck

You will NOT sit on the fourth stair (or any stair for that matter) refusing to move so I can't get past

You will NOT run across the floor at the speed of light causing me to have a seizure !

You will not take up residence in the bath

You will not be sitting on the end of the bed so when I wake up all I see is you staring at me with your spidery eyes



And you will definately NOT, EVER, EVER, EVER, get in my bed !!  right ?


Also, DO NOT crawl into the ironing basket, and remember, sitting just inside the toilet seat lid - is definately NOT FUNNY !!  - do we understand each other ? 

It's so big even the cats are hiding !





 Break even one of these rules and I can't give any guarantee you'll live to see another day !

take care peeps ........



4 comments:

  1. This is just how I feel about spiders. It's not so bad when you know where they are, but when they disappear panic sets in!
    By the way I have just come across your blog and cannot believe you are a lady of a 'certain' age. I greatly admire your energy and enthusiasm for frugal living and surviving on a budget.

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  2. Eekkkkk I can't abide spiders, horrible things yukk. There was a picture of a spider about the size of you visitor in a house in Manchester. The largest UK is about 5" long from leg to leg and you (and I) will be pleased to know that we don't swallow them. If you blow on a spider it scarpers because it's scared to death. Nice to know that they have a phobia about humans LOL x x x x

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  3. So, so funny. Love your post x

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  4. That is a VERY LARGE SPIDER! I would have to phone my mum for back up! eep!

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