Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Who remembers this then ??


I first remember hearing this read by the late Victor Borge on Two-Way Family Favourites, probably in the mid-50's - and it's still just as funny today - enjoy ............

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award
for sure...

 Dear Sir,

 I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my
 accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
 details will be sufficient:

 I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
 on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found
 I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be
 slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I
 decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to
 the side of the building on the sixth floor.

 Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
 out and loaded the bricks into it.
 Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow
 descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
 form that I weigh 135lbs.

 Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
 presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
 proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of
 the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an
 equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and
 the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

 Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
 fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

 Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
 to  hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now
 beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel  of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid  of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I
refer you again to my weight.

 As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
 building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
 This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe
 lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change  slightly.

The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae
were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on  the pile of bricks,
in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and  presence of mind and let go
of the rope and I lay there watching the empty  barrel begin its journey back down onto me.
This explains the two broken  legs.

 I hope this answers your inquiry.

take care peeps ............      

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