Saturday, 9 February 2013

You asked me ............


A short while ago I published a post about indifference.  I removed it because I didn't think it related to my blog, i.e. frugal living, money saving etc.,  however, it related to quite a few of you apparantly and lots of you identified with it and have asked me to post it again.

I would like to say that although it is proven that it is men who show most indifference to women, this is not always the case, and sometimes it is women who are the worst offenders, so I am not 'pointing the finger' of blame at anyone. 

This is very personal to me, and I hope by posting it again, it will help others.

Have you ever been involved with someone who is 'cold, detached and indifferent' ?

 The distant ones who feel nothing, have no ambition, no empathy, no understanding. They don't see another's pain, they don't see/understand the pain they cause, they don't understand happiness and joy, they are not impressed or excited by anything, they never notice what's going on around them, and even if they do, they don't care, they are incapable of caring.

You can be on your knees, crying out for help, hope, compassion, a sign of caring or even just to be acknowledged - it won't come. Or you can be outwardly going about your daily business putting on a brave face but inside you are falling apart, crumbling and wondering how on earth your heart carries on beating. These people won't even notice, and if they do, their answer is to walk away, because that's the easy way out. They will carry on regardless knowing that it will 'blow over' soon, but not knowing or caring about the damage they have done.

This kind of treatment does far more harm than a physical beating, this treatment leaves you emotionally battered, bruised and broken, your self-esteem will be on the floor and every time you think you can't sink any lower - you do !

Whatever you do, you will 'never' get through to these people, so don't even try. They are inheritantly selfish and totally self centred, don't expect kindness and understanding, they are incapable of giving it. Their coldness is difficult to understand. they have had an 'emotional bypass' and are dead from the neck up. Yet these people expect kindness, understanding and love in return - for little or no input. I speak from bitter and very painful experience.

These cold people will destroy your soul, crush your spirit, stamp on any hopes you have for the future and reduce you to a miserable wreck with no self-confidance, dreams or happiness, whilst all the time carrying on with their own lives oblivious to the pain they are causing.

- the only real answer if you find yourself tied up with someone like this is 'head for the hills' and regain control of your life, but that's easier said than done, I know that, if you can't escape immediately, and you may not want to, you must have a plan, and stick to it for your own self survival, even through so-called 'good days', remember 'one swallow does not a summer make' - ask me !!

I know it takes all sorts to make a world and we are all different etc. etc., but I honestly believe the world would be a better place without these types.

Read on ............
"What is destroying modern relationships?"
The opposite of love is not hatred. The opposite of love is indifference. Hatred is an extreme that only destroys a handful of relationships, but indifference destroys millions. Hatred isn't responsible for the slow poisoning of relationships that we see all around us today. Indifference is causing the wedge between all of our relationships in our modern age.
"Whatever!" Just this simple expression has become one of the most common colloquialisms of our time. What does it mean? It means, "I don't care", "leave me alone", "I can't be bothered", "You annoy me", etc., or worse of all, they just don't 'hear' you and walk away. They will neglect you continuously and not even be aware of it. Why not just kick you in the ****** ! and have done with it. It means "I am indifferent to your needs".
You will never, never 'lift' an indifferent person, they will always, always drag you down to their level, if you let them.
Indifference is the most destructive force at work against our relationships. Where there is indifference there is no passion. Indifference destroys all energy and enthusiasm for the great pursuits of life. Where there is indifference there is no sense of purpose. When we become indifferent to the passions and purpose of our lives, we begin to lead what Thoreau described as lives of quiet desperation. If someone is indifferent in the relationship, then it is dying.
The opposite of indifference is obviously love. Indifference separates while love unites. (Even look at how indifference has affected and literally divided our country, don't worry, I won't get political here). Indifference doesn't care, but love cares deeply. Indifference is hopeless while love is full of hope. Indifference is cynical (this is a big one among singles in their late thirties thru early 50's). Indifference despairs, while love rejoices. Indifference cannot be bothered while love gets involved. Indifference is scarcity while love is abundance. Indifference is tired while love is energetic.
When you meet this indifference in a person you care about deeply, it is like trying to walk through a wall of emotional quicksand. Nothing is more painful than when you deeply love someone who is indifferent to you and your relationship. If you have an indifferent person in your relationship, it's not just dying, it's already dead - thanks to them.
What is the cure for indifference? Well love of course. But let me warn you now, lest you form an illusion that will later be your undoing, that to love a person out of indifference requires the patience of Job! People have to want to change and most people living a life of indifference, of apathy of not caring do not want to change because indifference is easy. It's miserable. But it's also easy. Many people will choose easy over joy and passion and happiness because those things take work. Hard work brings about confidence, accomplishment, a sense of being something, brings us toward being a better version of ourselves. But you have to want it. If you know you life an indifferent life you have to want to change. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. Please remember that the only person you can change is yourself. And the one hope you have in helping your indifferent partner to want to change is for you to change and live with as much soul and passion for life as possible.
Indifference represents soulless living. Love is the fruit of soulful living. We must turn our attention to soulful living in every area of our lives, not just in the area of relationships in order to free ourselves from the great indifference that surrounds us every day. Our culture tries desperately to convince us with the full force of advertising and the media of the myth that fun, excitement, pleasure and the constant purchasing of possessions will free us from this desperation we feel from soulless living. But in truth, these things only mask the problem, making us feel the desperation ever more deeply. These things are not fulfilling. They are okay in moderation, but if this is all you do, or if all you do is nothing, the results can be devastating to relationships, including the one you have with yourself.
Soulful living liberates us from the disease of indifference. So what does it mean to live soulfully? What does it mean to have soulful relationships? Everything we do every day can be done soulfully, if we approach it with our essential purpose in mind. Some people believe it is impossible to find any meaning in their work. But if a man sweeps the streets for his entire life, and he does it with the intention of being the best street sweeper he can be, paying attentions to detail, working hard, working well, he will become a better version of himself. However, a man who serves as president of a large corporation, earning enormous amounts of money, but at the same time is consumed by greed, dishonesty and laziness, will become a lesser version of himself with every passing day. Which man has more meaningful work? There is no question it's the street sweeper but it's all in how much "soul" he puts into whatever he does.
Reading great books is soulful. Emotional vitality is a sign of soulfulness. Soulful people are intellectually curious. They want to learn and grow. Tending to our souls, exploring the life of the spirit, is soulful living. Washing the car is just washing the car until you decide to do it to the best of your ability. Cooking is just cooking until you put your heart and soul into it. Even the most trivial activities in our lives take on great meaning when we approach them with soul, with our essential purpose in mind.
We need to bring this soulfulness into our relationships. Even the smallest acts can be done with an absolute commitment to the essential purpose of the relationship. What does it mean to love a person? To love a person means to do everything within your power to help that person become the best version of herself and never do anything that would hinder her from achieving this great essential purpose. Soulfulness is a way of life which once tasted becomes an obsession.
Soulful people have large and generous hearts and they lavish love without discrimination upon the people who wander into their lives. They live in a world of passion, joy, appreciation and abundance. They energize those who cross their path and their love of life is contagious.

Are you energizing those around you? Are you living soulfully? Just that tiny change in attitude can change your life forever.

Any thoughts ?
take care peeps ......................


  1. I just followed the link- but it said I didnt have permission to read it!!

  2. Hi Angela, sorry you're having problems. Just in case other folks are as well, I've now added the original post onto this one. Hope this helps.

  3. Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I've been reading your posts for a while now, but haven't commented before. I'm sad to read about indifference because I've been so lucky in my life in this respect. I've got a loving huband and family, and we love spending time together. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't always been this way for you, I do hope that things are better now.

  4. What a great piece of writing.
    I must be lucky to never have experienced indifference in my life, I hope reading this helps others who have. x

  5. Good thing you've put that post back. Frugal living to me is a way of life in a whole, and most people have come to this lifestyle in reaction to other things, so to me it's pretty connected even if not that "obvious". I am living in a place where loving people are taken advantage of, beaten down to the grown with bad words. Indifferent people always win ... sad.

  6. Yes Domaine, you are right. This post was very personal to me and is pretty obvious it's something I lived through for a long time, I put it back up because (sadly) so many people said they identified with it too, and it helped to read it.

  7. Great post! Lots of truth in this. Well said!



Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.