Welcome to Undomesticated Diva - glad to have you here, hope you find it interesting.
Yesterdays post brought some welcome and interesting comments, as well as private emails. Thank you all.
I thought I would continue it today with a little more insight into my childhood (yawn).
Boys always had to come first, that's the way it was ... end of. I had two brothers, one older and one younger. The older one was my Mother's pride and joy, her 'everything', she adored him. I came a poor second until the (unplanned) birth of my younger brother, then I came a poor third.
I held no animosity towards either brother, this is just the way it was, I knew nothing different, so accepted that I (girls) were just not so important. That means when it came to school uniforms, equipment etc. etc., I didn't get them, again it didn't bother me because after all, I was just a girl. I never got the 'ingredients' for domestic science lessons and had to suffer the ridicule of the other girls and the wrath of the teachers. (I went to a girls school) I also never had gym equipment, never went on any school trips and had hardly any friends because I couldn't ask them to my house. (Have you got your violins out yet ? ha ha).
So it's not surprising I grew up with an inferiority complex the size of a bus, which is still with me.
My bedroom was never private, personal things weren't allowed up there. She would arrange 'stuff' i.e. brush/coms/perfume bottles etc., to her liking and they couldn't be moved. She would also go through the contents of my cupboards on a regular basis and open letters.
I remember once, (I will never forget it) my paternal Grandmother died, the family distributed the 'goodies', I was given a horrific pair of shoes which made me feel ill even to try on, as I was young the thought of wearing a dead persons shoes was an awful thing, but I had to wear them for several months, they were old fashioned and ugly and I even had to wear them for PE (physical exercise).
Sadly, several years ago, my elder brother died, this destroyed my Mother, she was never the same again and it was the beginning of the end for her. She didn't want to be comforted by me or anyone else even though I 'nursed' her during the last weeks of her life which meant a daily trip of 160 miles for me, I had to do my best, because after all, I had to have a clear conscience 'afterwards'.
She gave her 'everything' to my elder brother, and it has to be said the younger one was a favourite too, but at the end, he wouldn't go and see her even though she was continually asking for him. She had said things that he couldn't forgive, even though she was dying, so I bore the brunt and tried my best to console her and make excuses for him.
Some of the emails I have received (as well as Undomesticated Diva) have said my childhood was bordering on child abuse, and even though I didn't realise it at the time, it definitely was. These days the Social Services would have been called in without a doubt, well for me anyway. I don't bear any grudge for my elder dear brother, it was not his fault he was so doted on, he did not ask for it and didn't welcome it, I suppose you could say I was happy enough to be last in the pecking order.
A couple of things spring to mind while I'm on the 'pity-pot' after the birth of my first child, a girl, I proudly went to visit her, I didn't have my own car then, it took three buses there and three back, I got to the house, knocked several times but she wouldn't answer the door. I knew she was in, I could see her, but she didn't want the house messed up.
Another time, when I had my own car (all grown up now of course) I drove over to Stratford on Avon where she lived, it was a lovely day, I took flowers, but never got over the doorstep again, she said as it was such a nice day we should all sit outside !!!! make of that what you will.
Anyway, I did my duty at the end and can sleep at night because of that.
It was not a great childhood.
I will say I did NOT repeat these experiences with my own children, they were allowed to have friends in to play and stay, were well fed, had all the equipment for school they needed, went on school trips, and even though I had to bring them up alone due to a painful divorce, they never went short of anything and in many cases 'led the rest' - as it were.
They are all healthy, balanced and happy, two have their own businesses, and all have happy children.
Thanks for listening.