Wednesday, 8 July 2015

To answer a few points ...

Welcome to Sandra Koester - a new follower.  You are very welcome.

I am surprised how much interest this thread has generated.  I have had many emails from people telling me their stories and identifying with an unhappy childhood. 

 I would like to answer one or two questions before leaving this topic

New follower Sandy said:

.I am so disappointed that no one at your school recognized what was going on and helped you. Surely the teacher must have thought it odd that you never had the ingredients for domestic science and figured out what was going on.

Hi Sandy, well  you see, back in the day, teachers were teachers, not Social workers, and were not trained to look out for this sort of thing as, thankfully, they are today.  It was just a case of, you either had the stuff or  you didn't, and if  you didn't, you were humiliated in front of the whole class.  I used to avoid that humiliation by 'hiding' in the toilets for the whole of the session (3 periods).  Believe me, standing on a tiny toilet seat so no one could see your legs underneath the door for a whole afternoon was no mean feat !  When lessons ended I legged it as quickly as I could to avoid being questioned. 

I did the same with PE because I didn't have any of the kit !

Dawn, your story is just as harrowing, you got the right word there - rejected.  I left school at 16 to marry at 18 (a disastrous decision) the sole reason was to escape home life.

Email 1 asks:

'Why didn't you tell anyone about your homelife ?'

Because I didn't think I had anything to tell or complain about, I had nothing to compare my situation with so thought it was natural.

Email 2 asks:

'When did you realise you were abused/mistreated ?'

I can answer that with accuracy.  I was due to leave school shortly, and I was sent around to a neighbours house on an errand, a girl the same age as me lived there.  I was asked to come in and wait, which made me nervous because that was something Mother never did, everyone had to wait outside or 'go round the back', anyway I heard the sound of laughter and saw that Mother and daughter seemed to be enjoying a joke.  This made me feel uncomfortable as we didn't laugh in our house, adults laughing was considered course, common and vulgar.
But I 'warmed' to the atmosphere in that house and I didn't want to leave even though I felt very hurt when the Mother hugged the daughter.

That was my 'lightbulb moment' the moment I realised that all was not as it should be in my home and with my Mother.

Father was totally under the thumb by the way and did as he was told, even to the point of telling me off for her and telling me once "I hope you rot in hell" - nice !

I'll  leave this thread now.  It only started discussing housework !  isn't it amazing  how one thing leads to another ?

Thank you all for your comments and emails - and to those who have had similar experiences:

'We made it through - we may have  been knocked down, but we got up again'.


  1. Hi Wean, I have just picked up on and read your thread. You have being refreshingly honest with your words and I thank you for the sharing of an insight to your past. Reminds me that all that happens in the days behind us, good and bad, make us who we are at this moment.
    I'm fifty years young now and it is only in the last few years as the Black Dog bared her fangs that I have come to realise that my parents are human beings and have faults that should have been perhaps 'challenged' years ago. But the past is just that, the past, I try to learn from it and improve myself everyday. Again thank you for sharing m'dear.

  2. Hello John, thank you for visiting and for your comment, you are always welcome !
    You are right, what is done is done, I know my Mother was really a good person at heart, but the way she was brought up obviously affected the way she brought up her own family.
    She thought she was doing the right thing, and after all, that's all any of us can do isn't it ?
    Stay well ...

  3. The biggest lesson in life I have learned is the only person you can trust is yourself, I keep a barrier around me my own self protection, after a life time of rejection and hurt, I often look at familys and see love and tenderness I also see how hurt familys become when things go wrong, I dont allow that closeness so I dont get hurt anymore, although I have an unconditonal love for my children, friends come and go and my world dosent end when a friend is no more. I am upfront and dont expect anything from anyone. I am also very happy :-)

    1. I couldn't have put it better myself Dawn. I have a 10' wall of concrete around me and no one gets through ! except animals of course.
      I am alone, have been for a long while and will remain so. Like you I've been hurt so many times (even written a book about it!) I've been up and down more times than a yo yo and will now only trust myself and my own judgements. I have learned some hard life lessons.
      Take care of yourself.

  4. Very informative, keep posting such good articles, it really helps to know about things.



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